I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
