I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
