Sponge bath it is.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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