ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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