I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
