No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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