Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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