just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize