dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize