There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
