What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
