I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
