in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
