you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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