Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You are the jesus of drinking
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
