my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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