I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
