i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
