I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
