Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
