I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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