a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
