I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
