just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Houston, we have a squirter
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
