she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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