I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
