the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
