so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
