Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
3pm strippers are depressing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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