there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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