I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
