Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize