your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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