My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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