She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
