I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
