I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
