TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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