She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
only you would photoshop your dick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
