at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
