I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
