Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
