but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
