Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
