I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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