If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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