I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize