we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
