she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
