Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
