wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
