Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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