Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
