i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
