i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
