i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
