People in love make me want to vomit
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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