Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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