They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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