my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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