I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
