Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
