I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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