I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got inside last night via doggy door
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
