Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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