ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What a dumb baby whore.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
