she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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