I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
