id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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