I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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