Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
