i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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