so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
