is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
